"HOW CAN I BE JEWISH? I AM CATHOLIC"
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Although my search for identity has ended, the frustration
that my ancestors were robbed of their religion and culture is something that will always
be a part of my lost past...
There are many others like me around the world, some have found a home in Catholicism,
others try and straddle both worlds, some suffer the fear and anxiety suffered by our
ancestors; feeling the deceit, shame and humiliation.
Often this is too painful, frustrating or even shameful to discuss. A few have
“returned,” as I have by converting back to the religion of our forefathers,
Judaism.
Secrecy was literally transmitted along with other rituals and traditions, making it
difficult for many “Crypto” Jews to acknowledge their Jewish past.
The pervasive fear as part of the religion has resurfaced with many refusing to talk about
their heritage. The mentality of 500 years seems to continue, often causing an identity
crisis. Nevertheless, a growing number of Crypto Jews are beginning to declare their faith
publicly.
Some descendants of Sephardim (Jews from Portugal and Spain) are comfortable with their
discovery of Jewish roots, some see it as shameful and think of it as a stigma on their
ancestry. The initial reaction of almost all however is " how can I be Jewish? I am
Catholic," this being the exact reverse many of our forefathers asked 500 years ago
when faced with the choice of baptism or matyrdom. " How can we be Catholic? We are
Jewish."
Of the "anousim" (forced converts) many were spectacularly successful and many
married into nobility, while at the same time secretly continuing as Jews.
These "new" Christians or "Conversos" were vigorously pursued by the
Inquisition who were determined to root out such apostasy and heresy.
The policy of "limpieza da sangre" or purity of blood that was introduced to try
and stop the conversos and "Judaizers" from obtaining high ranking positions
failed dismally.
The conversos succeeded in every field including the church! Many choosing the church as
an escape from the onslaught of the Inquisition.
Ironically, the most vigorous Inquisitor General, Tomas de Torquemada was of converso
descent. He was empowered to hunt down apostates wherever he could - right to the new
world, which the conversos had thought "safe havens."
The secrecy that prevailed managed what no inquisition could, because of the secrecy,
they, the Jews of Portugal, lost touch with the main bodies of Judaism, and the rituals
became idiosyncratic family curiosities (in many cases).
The younger generations became so thoroughly Christian that to revert to Judaism would
have been unthinkable. The bulk of these converso Portuguese are today Catholic with no
link or knowledge of their Jewish roots.
Genuine fear, justified or not, of what might happen if their secrets are discovered
remains a part of the phenomenon called "crypto" (secret) Judaism today. Often
people are still afraid that once their neighbors found out, they would be ostersized.
Cemeteries bear silent witness to the Jewish heritage of the lost past, a cross with a
magen David (star of David), six pointed lilies on tombstones of ostensibly Christian
graves...
In New Mexico (USA) a Penitent (self flagellating Catholic sect) said on his deathbed to
his then 40 year old son, "It is hard enough being Hispanic in this country, so I
never told you, you are also Jewish."
Being Penitent is thought to have been one of the ways crypto Jews could pretend
"Super-Catholicism."
The same way our forefathers took obviously "Christian" names, such as Espirito
Santo (Holy Spirit), Sanangel (Saint Angel), de Jesus (of Jesus), Santa Maria (Saint
Mary), amongst others, found very often amongst Portuguese people.
This is due to the often overlooked fact that the Jews of Portugal were not allowed to
leave the country after the Edict of Expulsion was signed.
Unlike Spain, Portugal did not want to "lose" the Jewish Community, besides the
expertise and economic loss another possibility is that most citizens may have had some
"tainted" Jewish blood!
Instead, they were pronounced converted and baptised en masse and by force.
Nowhere else (outside of Israel), can so many expressive Semitic-looking faces be found or
seen as in Portugal. Whenever I visit Portugal, I often have an impulse to rush over and
greet complete strangers as a family member.
An anecdote that describes the inherent "Jewishness" of the Portuguese is
explained when the king wanted all conversos/new Christians to wear green hats, as to
easily identify them.
He made his wishes clear to the Marquis de Pombal, himself of a distinguished Jewish
family who had managed to flee to Amsterdam to escape the Inquisition.
The Marquis de Pombal arrived at the palace the next day with three green hats. The king
inquiring what he was up to, was told by the Marquis... "Your Majesty, one hat is for
you, one hat is for me, and the other is for the Inquisitor General !!"
E-mail: Rufina Bernardetti Silva Mausenbaum
Copyright © 1997, 1998, 1999, 2000 Rufina
Bernardetti Silva Mausenbaum
